Open Letter to a Couple on the Subway

Dear Couple on the Subway,

I really try to not be a mean person. Seriously, if I could write one of these letters to a person who blows my mind away doing something kind instead of something gross or crazy, then I would. This is however New York City and kindness is not something that runs through everyone's veins but there is crazy all over this city.

I really need to start carrying my subway code around in printed copies because it is apparent that many people, like yourselves, are in need of the rules of public transportation. I am concerned that you broke numerous rules during our short ride together.

The first rule broken was #5. The subway is not the place for the following activities: excessive loud converstaions, fights, crocheting, make out sessions, purse organization, makeup application, nail painting, hair braiding, yoga, or trio singing. The two of you were clearly not in a bedroom (unless you are perhaps homeless, then I apologize) but you still thought that it was appropriate to sit on top of each other and make out. I will applaud you for only taking up one seat on the train, but really it was late and there was room for you to sit beside each other. In addition to making out, the noises were uncalled for. It just was not appropriate for me to be able to hear you with my ear buds in.


Referring to the code, rule #6 states: If you choose to partake in any of the above actions, I will stare at you. During this incident, I was not the only person staring in disbelief. The young group of teenagers that started to laugh were also staring. I think that they were more in shock that two people of such a mature age would chose to act that way on the train. It really was your choice to publicly display your affection, so your next actions were shocking to say the least. 


I don't even think the teenagers saw it coming. Really, your shoe? I think that might have been a little excessive since they were only laughing and giggling. I don't even have a rule about throwing things because usually children are with their parents and they tend to curb that behavior, but in the next edition I will be adding a rule about keeping your own belongings to yourself. Then you started to yell in their direction and that is when everyone got to witness the one toothed grin belonging to the the oh so feminine woman. I guess it helped to explain the noise from before because really you had less teeth than the Gerber baby.  I am sorry to report that I missed the end of the confrontation because we arrived at my stop and I departed the train. I do hope that you two made it home safely, with all shoes and teeth accounted for. 


Warm Regards,
Laura - a fellow subway rider

Subway Stories

Dear Woman sleeping on the train,

I wanted to let you know that I don't appreciate you. It is not polite to take up more than 1 seat on a crowded train. It is also not ok to snore in public. I can understand that it is Monday morning and your weekend was probably totally crazy, but please find a new place to take a mid morning snooze. Those of us on the train do not want to hear the sound of your Ipod, and we would ask you to turn it down..except your sleeping. I'm not sure how you are sleeping because well your Ipod is blaring, there are a thousand and 1 people moving back and forth through the car, there are brights lights, and most importantly the alarms and announcements that start each time the train stops. You must be a deep sleeper.

I also wanted to let you know that sleeping on the train with your phone in your hand is not safe. You are asking for someone to "borrow" your phone. Same thing with your purse. I would be more careful when choosing where to lay my head down. Speaking of your head, it was leaning on the poles, which is gross. There are millions of people who touch those poles and you don't know what kind of crap is on their hands. Why would you put your face on that? I would highly recommend a bath in antibacterial soap.

Last but certainly not least, if you choose to fall asleep on the subway and then suddenly wake up in a coughing fit, don't get angry with the people around you. It was not our fault you missed your stop. We kindly let you know what stop was next. I think that maybe you should just return home and start your day over again. Or just go back to bed. Just please promise me you won't sleep on the subway again.

Sincerely,
Your fellow subway rider