Dear Couple on the Subway,
I really try to not be a mean person. Seriously, if I could write one of these letters to a person who blows my mind away doing something kind instead of something gross or crazy, then I would. This is however New York City and kindness is not something that runs through everyone's veins but there is crazy all over this city.
I really need to start carrying my subway code around in printed copies because it is apparent that many people, like yourselves, are in need of the rules of public transportation. I am concerned that you broke numerous rules during our short ride together.
The first rule broken was #5. The subway is not the place for the following activities: excessive loud
converstaions, fights, crocheting, make out sessions, purse
organization, makeup application, nail painting, hair braiding, yoga, or
trio singing. The two of you were clearly not in a bedroom (unless you are perhaps homeless, then I apologize) but you still thought that it was appropriate to sit on top of each other and make out. I will applaud you for only taking up one seat on the train, but really it was late and there was room for you to sit beside each other. In addition to making out, the noises were uncalled for. It just was not appropriate for me to be able to hear you with my ear buds in.
Referring to the code, rule #6 states: If you choose to partake in any of the above actions, I will stare at you. During this incident, I was not the only person staring in disbelief. The young group of teenagers that started to laugh were also staring. I think that they were more in shock that two people of such a mature age would chose to act that way on the train. It really was your choice to publicly display your affection, so your next actions were shocking to say the least.
I don't even think the teenagers saw it coming. Really, your shoe? I think that might have been a little excessive since they were only laughing and giggling. I don't even have a rule about throwing things because usually children are with their parents and they tend to curb that behavior, but in the next edition I will be adding a rule about keeping your own belongings to yourself. Then you started to yell in their direction and that is when everyone got to witness the one toothed grin belonging to the the oh so feminine woman. I guess it helped to explain the noise from before because really you had less teeth than the Gerber baby. I am sorry to report that I missed the end of the confrontation because we arrived at my stop and I departed the train. I do hope that you two made it home safely, with all shoes and teeth accounted for.
Laura - a fellow subway rider